Saturday, April 22, 2006

Corrupting Young Minds Since 1987

I really need to shut up when I am in the car with my impressionable Schmancer. While running errands today, we spotted a brand new Corvette driven by a well-dressed young man. The personalized license plate said "Eduardo."

Schmancer (sarcastically): "Do you think that his name is 'Eduardo'?"

Me (not so sarcastically): "I think perhaps he is Eduardo's BITCH."

Laughter ensued.

I then shook my head and realized that I really, REALLY need to keep my mouth shut.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Does That Thing Have a Hemi?

While driving home from White Castle this evening with Schmancer, the conversation went something like this:

Me (Driving the speed limit in a well-patrolled area): Man, that Dodge truck is riding my ass. I bet he is gonna fly past us in a sec.

Schmancer: Yeah, here he comes. Watch, now he's gonna weave around that car next to us.

About 60 seconds later, we see him stopped 2 lanes over sitting at a red light. Schmancer & I look at each other & laugh.

Me: Looks like he wasted a shitload of gas racing to a red light.

Schmancer (laughing): I guess that makes us Karmatologists.

We honked & waved at him as we passed. I am SUCH an asshole, and I am teaching my children well. Hehehe


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

What's in a name?

So "the" Scientology spawn has arrived. I can't tell you how incredibly SAD I feel for Katie Holmes. I think she is in waaaaaaay over her head. Not with motherhood, but with her baby daddy--He Who Shall Not Be Named.

I can't escape the feeling that, while she should be overjoyed at her baby's arrival, there is a cloud hanging over her. WIll this baby truly ever be her own? I dunno. And will the DNA results become public that this is NOT that particular Scientologist's genetic match? Time will tell.

As for the baby's name? Suri is short for "Surreal," which this whole thing is.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

A sweet tale, just in time for Easter

No, REALLY! My sarcastic ass is taking a brief hiatus from my assholity during this holy time. My twisted views and foul language shall return soon.

Deetsie was a sweet little one (yeah, Deets, I said WAS. Ok, she still is). Because of rain, I decided to hide the Easter eggs in our family room. Knowing how gross a lost egg would get within days, I made sure I counted them correctly and hid them easily.

Imagine my surprise when Deetsie started counting in her 2 year old voice and she surpassed the number of hidden eggs. I couldn't help but laugh when she remarked with delight, " The eeter bunny leff me twelb eggs anna GOFFBAW!"

She had found a bright orange golf ball under the couch in her quest for eggs. Guess I should have cleaned a bit better :D

Happy Eeter, Happy Pathover.