Sunday, January 22, 2006

How Come They Won't Sell Me Sudafed?

So what if I have scabs on my face. I nervously pick at every loose little piece of skin. My teeth? I just never smile & then only mumble replies to their questions like, "How long have you had allergies? Why is this your 40th purchase this week?" It's nonya dam bitness!

Costco has product cards sitting on the shelves where the pills should be. You're supposed to take them to the pharmacy counter to get the meds. Costco locks up all pills containing pseudoepehdrine in their pharmacy. Costco's pharmacy is closed on Sundays. Today is Sunday. My sinuses do not GIVE a shit that it's Sunday. I tried to fool them into thinking it was Monday, since my son had no school last Friday, but my sinuses could not be duped. Stupid sinuses.

Stupider Costco.

The manager shook her head as she returned empty handed from the pharmacy. I shrugged my shoulders & made a joke about the meth lab in my basement. Eyes bugging out of her head, I thought the young cashier was gonna have heart failure. Oh Jesus Fucking Christ I was KIDDING!

Stupidest Costco.

Friday, January 20, 2006

This was NOT in the brochure!

Can someone PLEASE point out just WHERE in the friggin "Cat Book of Rules" it says that you can't puke in the same spot? I know there is a rule that says it MUST be on carpeting, expensive throw rugs, furniture and newly folded laundry. Another rule says that all puking post-sundown MUST occur in the line of foot traffic from owner's bed to various other locations in the house. Nothing says "I love you" better than cold squishy cat hairballs.

But why oh WHY do cats start their puking in ONE spot and then move to several OTHER spots until they are done? Would they be arrested by the Feline Police if they actually fucked up only ONE spot on the carpeting? Don't even THINK about approaching a spewing cat...they can make it onto Aunt Gert's lovely antique dresser before you block them.

Shit. Good thing I hated that old lady to begin with. I think I'll let the pile of cat vomitus crust over on that ugly-ass dresser. It adds a touch of artistic flair, don't you think?

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Is that a likeness of Jesus that I see???


Taking a second look at the 2nd photo in the "Separated at Birth" post below (but not in the "zoom" mode), I'd SWEAR that I see Jesus in Boots' bunghole.

Oh Christ. I AM going to hell.

Oh well, see y'all there!

Friday, January 06, 2006


How the FUCK does an everyday news reporter become a meteorologist overnight? There is a weather guy who pronounces it "Meaty Urologist."

Is it wrong for me to feel all tingly in my pee-pee place?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Separated at Birth?

Mike from Monsters, Inc
Boots, the Forsaken Pixar Character
aka Boots, the cat with the biggest asshole E.V.E.R

Is she going to Hell?

A burst of laughter heard from the kitchen. Then I heard Deetsie say, "I love how old people try to jump and they can't."

Can't beat The Price is Right on Geriatric Day for its entertainment value!