Friday, January 20, 2006

This was NOT in the brochure!

Can someone PLEASE point out just WHERE in the friggin "Cat Book of Rules" it says that you can't puke in the same spot? I know there is a rule that says it MUST be on carpeting, expensive throw rugs, furniture and newly folded laundry. Another rule says that all puking post-sundown MUST occur in the line of foot traffic from owner's bed to various other locations in the house. Nothing says "I love you" better than cold squishy cat hairballs.

But why oh WHY do cats start their puking in ONE spot and then move to several OTHER spots until they are done? Would they be arrested by the Feline Police if they actually fucked up only ONE spot on the carpeting? Don't even THINK about approaching a spewing cat...they can make it onto Aunt Gert's lovely antique dresser before you block them.

Shit. Good thing I hated that old lady to begin with. I think I'll let the pile of cat vomitus crust over on that ugly-ass dresser. It adds a touch of artistic flair, don't you think?


Blogger snaps79 said...

my cats have never hurled a hairball, and for THAT i am thankful. jessa's poop surprises on the other hand...

7:28 AM  
Blogger Serra said...

It's right there under the rule that says if there's already something else wrong with a spot on the carpet, cat barf doesn't belong there.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

The cat rule book also has a whole chapter about barfing on computer keyboards. We now have plastic, "old-lady-in-new-jerseyesque" slipcovers for the computer monitor, keyboard, cpu, scanner and printer, all because of past hairball incidents. Perverse little fuckers.

And what's with the chapter on puking in slippers and shoes? ARRRGGGHHH!!!! It's SUCH a violation....almost like finding a spider on your pillow.

1:12 PM  
Blogger The_Bad said...

I believe the rule book clearly states: "puke wherever and whenever you like because you can".

I am completely convinced that if aliens were observing our society, they would believe that dogs and cats were the ones in charge. Let's face it: they are.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

you're nucking futs and I love it!!! I don't have a cat, and after reading enough of your entries, I don't want one either.

1:26 AM  
Blogger Summer said...

One word from Billy Mays. Oxyclean.

5:16 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

Damn! I have two cats only one is a perpetual barfer. He does it everywhere but then again, he is getting quite needy in his old age and now I think he just does it for attention, lol.

5:35 AM  
Blogger Pisser said...

Christ I love you :)

I hope you don't think I'm a weirdo or nothin', but I've just seen the cat yak, skeedaddle 300 feet, and then yak AGAIN in an undisclosed location...I'm glad I finally found someone else who understands this.

11:35 PM  

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