Monday, December 19, 2005

Hey, Parking Lot Asshole!

It has come to my attention (and the attention of everyone else who works here), so why don't YOU have a fucking clue, Sherlock?

It is painfully obvious that pulling into a parking space successfully has special challenges for you. "Successfully" would hint at the following:

1. You were able to pull into the space in one or 2 attempts. Max. Any more than that and you should be parking in the out lot all by yourself. Really.

2. Your vehicle didn't touch any part of the vehicles around you as you made your attempts.

3. There is enough space for you to exit your vehicle without ramming your door into the vehicle next to you.

4. There is actually enough space between your vehicle and those around you so that the small midgets might actually be able to ENTER their own clown cars.

5. You park straight.

6. You park between the lines.

7. You park straight AND between the lines. This is not an "either/or" scenario.

All of these bring to mind the ultimate question that we all want answered: If you have such a difficult time pulling INTO a parking space, why the FUCK do you think you have the talent and skills to BACK into a space? Especially during the "gotta run like hell to punch in on time" crunch?

Do your co-workers a favor and either get to work really EARLY or really LATE. Oh, and you might want to practice your parking skills at home. Better yet, practice at the mall all this week and prepare for the beat down you so richly deserve. Asshole.

Oh, and another thing? Are you aware that people can actually see into your car windows? They aren't one way glass. You see us, we see you. And we so totally enjoy watching a grown man eat his boogers and ear wax. S'all I'm sayin'.

For now.


Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...


See, if I were you, I don't know what would prevent me from copying what you have posted herein, and put it under the windshield wiper blades of the offending vehicle.

PS: I'd put some lovely red lip stick on, and put a big red kiss mark on it and sign it, "Smooches."

8:08 PM  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

OOOo you had to go with the booger eating, ewwwwwwwwwewwwwwwwewwwwwwwww

Im so not leaving my house til this week is over...

11:58 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

I'm with Nugget Mavin--this dick needs to be called on his shit.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

God, I was sooooo sure you meant ME until you referred to the transgressor as "he"


Unless...well, there is that "sir" thing I get and...

Never mind.

8:42 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

You kill me... hahahahahaa.. booger eating... hahahaha..

11:10 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

You are so right! I have gone as far as to leave written notes on the windshields of parking offenders. These asshats have a sense of entitlement when it comes to parking etiquette that really chaps me. I'm glad I'm not alone!

12:41 PM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

No, you want him to get into work late -- giving you time to assemble a sufficiently large audience that can CLAP and CHEER for him once he's "accomplished" his goal.

Bet he'd only experience THAT once before he'd learn how to fucking park.

Have you been hanging out at our local mall, watching the hjoliday dumbasses park??

4:07 PM  
Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

parking is a lot harder than it looks. damn man, I failed my road test 5 times, 2 of which had to do with parking. Was this post about me?

10:53 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Hey Michele, just stopping by your blog to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!!

12:48 AM  

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