Sunday, December 11, 2005

Deetsie: an introduction to my eldest child

Deetsie's Car Ride, OR "What NOT to Say in Front of a Toddler"

It has come to my attention that I have unintentionally ignored my 18yo daughter here in my blog. I shall commence to end this slight today. Honey, be careful what you wish for! You just might get it. hehehehe

First, a little history:

"Deetsie" is the blog name I have chosen for her from the slang term my German mother used for "pacifier," Deetsie's most favorite object EVER. Until dating. But never mind that! Deetsie always had it with her. Since she was an exceptionally droolie kid, I always had to have a cloth diaper "Dydee" on my shoulder. These 2 items became the MUST HAVES of this child for a lonnnnng time. Let's just say I never left home without them. Ever.

She is the product of my first marriage to her father, The Donor; the one I insulated after I found out he cheated on me when she was just 10 weeks old (there is a post about that somewhere in my early blog. Read it! It is fucking HILARIOUS.) Needless to say, I filed for divorce when Deetsie was 8 months old. I was almost 28 at the time. I'd been with the Donor for 12 years, 7 of them as his wife.

The Donor is now skinny, his face drawn and haggard. He went completely gray at 46. He deserved it. He is now remarried and has a 6 year old girl, whom I believe is the Antichrist, a fact known to all but her parents. He deserved THAT, too. He has received his just reward.

My husband, Pic, (I hate using the term "current" as it incorrectly implies that there will be another--oh hell to the NO) and I began dating when my daughter was 13 months old. My daughter had only previously been around those with lighter complexions and men without facial hair. Pic had a full beard and jet black hair. He is of German and Mexican descent.

I carried her into the room to introduce them. He smiled at her sweetly and softly said, "Hi Peanut." She stared at him, wide-eyed, and then her face absolutely crumpled as she burst into tears. Thankfully, she rapidly got over this and Pic became her "main man."

Pic is a kid magnet. He is the one you will find at the bottom of a pile of nieces and nephews. He is a big kid at heart and I love him dearly. I also love how he has so totally loved Deetsie as if she were his own from the very beginning. Hell, she IS. He is 12 years older than I. He was also MY babysitter when I was 4 years old. That will be another blog post :)

When Pic & I had just started dating, Deetsie became very sick. She had an awful upper respiratory infection that caused her to only be able to breathe in an upright position. She was just this side of needing to be hospitalized, according to her pediatrician. As a single mom with a full-time job, I was completely exhausted from my lack of sleep with this round of illness.

Pic had a few days off from his job. He offered to stay in my home and help me with her care, sleeping in the guest room and caring for her during the night so that I could get some much-needed sleep. While I had only known him as a kind soul, I couldn't help but feeling there would be an underlying sexual pressure for this "favor."

I couldn't have been more wrong. When I awoke after my first full night's sleep in a week, I tip-toed into Deetsie's room to check on her. I was amazed at the sight that greeted me.

There, in the rocker, was Pic with Deetsie snuggled into the downy fur on his chest, enveloped in his arms. They were both sound asleep wrapped in a quilt. I melted. Here was a man who showed me the utmost respect by not sneaking into my bed. Here was a man who selflessly snuggled this sweet baby who wasn't even HIS all night so that her mom could sleep. I knew then that he was "the one." We have now been together for almost 18 years, married for 14 of them. He is my soul mate and everything is still as new as it was when we first started dating. But I digress. THIS is a tale about Deetsie.

Pic has a habit of name-calling bad drivers. His usual term at the time was "Bonehead." He had Deetsie strapped into her carseat on a day which was filled with heinous drivers of all sorts. She was dreamily looking out the passenger rear window, with the ever present pacifier in her mouth, absently fingering Dydee (not as porno as it sounds, you pervs!).

After voicing "Ya BONEHEAD!" a few times, that just didn't seem to satisfy him. As a guy cut him off, Pic spoke out, "Go ahead, Shit For Brains!"

Deetsie apparently came to, popped the pacifier out of her mouth and loudly said to him "Dough thay 'shiffer brain', thay BONE HEAD!" And in popped the pacifier in again as she resumed her sightseeing.

Gulp. It was hard for him to NOT crack up as he got lectured by a 2 year old on the proper technique for heckling a suck-ass driver. But you can bet your ASS that he watched what he said in front of her after that!


Anonymous JaeFox said...

I can attest that Michele started smiling again when she met Pic, and she's never stopped.

I NEVER think of Donor as Deetsie's father - he seems out of place at family functions. Pic's the dad in that family. Period.

Plus, my kids 'dore him. And you.

4:29 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

Ok, you just melted my heart too with the part about Deetsie and Pic snuggling together.

You know you got yourself a good one there.

6:28 PM  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

What a nice, shmaltzy post:)

Love the lecturing!

11:39 AM  
Blogger Lost said...

Sounds like you "Pic-ed" a winner! As for the lecturing lol - you just never know what the little boogers will start saying do you? lol

3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey! i'm not a booger, you're a booger! lol j/k


11:58 PM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

"Shiffer brains!"

I just found the tagline for most of my holiday photos.

12:50 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Wow. What a great way to meet you. Today's my first visit to your site. What an inspiring story. I'm glad it worked out for you.

Meanwhile, even though Brad, Jr. picks everything up, it hasn't stopped me yet, I'm working on it.

Today's quote from the 3Y old:

"C'mon, It's F%%King Freezing!"

What I said to some driver who wouldn't let a UPS driver walk across the street in front of him.

Yeah, well. Like I said, I'm not winning any mother of the year awards.


5:14 PM  

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