Sunday, December 11, 2005

To gift or not to gift?

What to do for public servants (not to be confused with PUBIC servants--they deserve LOTS of gifts!) at the holidays?

I probably sort more mail than our mail lady does, since she seems to put it all in our mailbox anyway. Even from houses that are nowhere NEAR ours, their only similarity being the same digits in the house numbers, but totally different subdivisions! Dumb ass.

I have decided if I get magazines with someone else's address, they are MINE. Oh I'll give them back when I'm done reading them. Kinda like the post office delivering my National Enquirer and Globe magazines a week late and well-thumbed through. Peckerheads.

At least I stopped personally delivering the wayward mail when it became an at LEAST twice weekly thing. Now I just circle the address with a Sharpie and stick it back in the mailbox with the flag up.

I particularly love it when she puts a fucking NOTE in my mailbox telling me to SHOVEL so she can drive her mailcar closer to the box. Listen bitch! If you can reach my fucking mailbox to put the NOTE in, you can reach it enough to put the REST of my mail in, mmmmkay?

Here's your Christmas present, Biyatch. Do what you're paid to do, and don't expect me to subsidize your gub-ment job.

13 Comments:

Blogger SignGurl said...

LMAO here! Do we have the same mailperson?

Well said my friend.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Serra said...

No, she and I have the same mailbitch.

7:19 PM  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

If the mail is being mis-routed consistently, it's time to contact her ROUTE SUPERVISOR to complain.

PS: If I were you, it's time to think about planting some stinkweed or poison ivy by your postbox:) Or at the very least, make sure you leave big heaps of dog waste nearby:)

11:29 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

LOL.. that mailbiatch must cover all of SE Michigan!

6:26 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

She's gotta have reindeer then, cuz we've got her in Canada, too!

9:45 PM  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Shit, that's MY mail-bitch, too.
She actually BROKE OFF flowers that she felt were in the way of the mailbox.

Bitch. Flower hater.

11:15 AM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

See, you have to remember that revenge is a dish best served ice-fucking-cold. (Of course, you have to be prepared to buy a new mailbox for this, but consider it an investment in your mental health.)

Wait until July or August -- when it's Satan's Ass-crak Hot. Then, overnight, crack a few eggs into your mailbox, and close it. Let 'em sit and cook in the heat. Hit a few of your neighbors, too, so it looks like a random teen prank.

If you're really feeling evil, use rotten eggs.

Let her get a handful of THAT when she reaches into your box. (Pun unintended. I think.)

The key is PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.

"My goodness. Some horrible persons must have played a prank!"

12:46 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists said...

A government worker that does their job shitty and with a bad attitude? THE HELL YOU SAY! Floyd has always enjoyed the commitment to service that government employees provide. Let's face it, an employee is happiest when they have a job that is impossible to be fired from. Of course they will be dedicated to assisting you with your services that you pay taxes for...

11:28 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

Testify, Floyd!

11:54 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists said...

Floyd tends to get cranky on the subject after spending 6 hours to get an ID card. Fucking tools.

3:28 PM  
Blogger Big Ben said...

I suggest putting the mail back in your box with some sort of sticky substance on it. She won't mis up your mail anymore.

6:15 PM  
Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

we're supposed to give them gifts at Christmas time. Awwhhh, hells no. I can barely afford to get myself a gift.

12:54 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

We've had our share of bad mail carriers too. One old ass fucker actually honked the horn on rainy days so I'd come out to his car and get the mail (we had a slot int he door at that house).
Our last one would show up late (like at 8pm) and literally throw the mail into the boxes. And then at midnight he'd rush back and put more mail in... ugh!

9:20 AM  

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