Saturday, June 25, 2005

I am a karaoke goddess!

We went to this karaoke bar in the French Quarter called "Cat's Meow." Go to http://www.nola.com/bourbocam and click on the karaokecam at night hehehe. I haven't quite decided how the bar got that name but I have 2 pretty good guesses: (1) people sound like cats in pain, and/or (2) there is a whole lotta pussy there.

There was wall to wall people. a shitload of freak-dancing, and people wayyyyyyy past fucked up. I mean, how much alcohol does it take to get wasted before it becomes a waste of money and/or good alcohol???

There was a bachelorette party. The MOST fucked up one was the bride, getting married the following afternoon. She had some tiara thingy on her head with a small lace train on it. She had about 60 bead necklaces on over her strapless dress. Three guesses on how she got those beads. The last time I saw eyes that glazed was after my son stuck his face under the Krispy Kreme conveyor.

ZombieBride & her cohorts took the stage for a song. I must say that it was truly THE most unattractive wedding party I have ever seen. ZombieBride just rocked back & forth smiling, carrying an inflatable monkey. Tourette's-like, she kept blurting out, "I'm spanking the monkey! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" She seriously looked like a tard. For real! Then she collected more beads when she flashed her nips for the audience. Her mother must have been so proud! Oh wait, ZombieBrideMama showed HER hog-tits too. Day-um. They resembled 2 grapefruits dropped into 2 knee-hi nylons stapled to her chest, just a-SWINGING there! I wish I'd taken a picture to have emailed to ZombieBride's fiance,but I figured he was probably getting his dick sucked by some transvestite on Bourbon Street.

At the table behind us, there were 5 black girls-gone-wild and 1 black guy. My guess is mid 20's-30's. The women all wore micro mini's and commenced to freak dancing one by one with the dude. One actually had to hold down the front of her skirt at the crotch cuz it was all the way up over her naked ass in the back. For the record, she lets the jungle grow wild.

When this skinny, fucked up white dude saw them, he came over & lifted up his wifebeater T. He was rubbing his nipple with that hand and holding the front of his shorts away from his body so anybody could see what he was offering. Then he joined the freak dancing. He stumbled around a lot but I have to give him props--he never spilled ONE DROP of that beer he was holding up next to his nipple.

The black guy moved back to the table (one of the tall ones with barstools) and began rubbing his crotch on the leg of one of his girls. Another one reached under the table and started cupping his package. They were all laughing like hell, and thinking they were pulling some big secret off, not realizing that the action was right in my line of vision. I started laughing and they looked in my direction. I gave them the "2 thumbs up" salute & they cracked up. They carried on wit bidness & I got bored & went back to drunk patrol.

There was a group of 5 underage girls from Texas freakdancing each other onstage behind the hot-probably-gay DJ. Seems that the only things that grow big in Texas are the Whores. Ahhh, sweet youth. One of them started freaking him, simulating oral sex on him. He jumped back, joking "My pants are too tight for THAT tonite!" That wasn't true--he never even got CLOSE to sporting wood in those tight jeans. Now if some GUY had done that to him, I'd have had my eye poked out, we were that close to his crotch.

Finally it was my turn ot take the stage. Here I was, some middle-aged fat chick in typicial fat chick clothing going up to sing. I don't know what people were expecting but I seriously kicked some ass singing "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. When I finished, people had thrown money at me. ROFLMAO. This fat girl scored 7 bucks, which was 7 bucks more than anyone ELSE had gotten LOLOL. If they had tossed beads at me, I would have blinded them showing the scars and tattoo that remain from having my boobs whacked off due to cancer 8 years ago. Man o man, I was hoping for some beads hehehe.

We left shortly after that when some drunk wannabe rock & roller tossed the mike out into the audience, intending to pull it back quickly. It ended up knocking over my friend's drink and when he tried to pull the mike away, he dumped my 32 oz Hurricane as well. We got soaked, but at least it didn't look like we'd pissed ourselves.

There were OTHER chicks who obviously HAD out in the street. I really don't like Bourbon Street. The only really memorable thing for me was the smell of vomit & urine everywhere. I can go to a nursing home if I wanna smell THAT.

Good times!

5 Comments:

Blogger Serra said...

"No applause, just throw money" has always been one of my favorite lines.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy said...

"For the record, she lets the jungle grow wild." - That made me laugh out really loud! :)

Oh and hello. First time here.

You're funny. We like you.

We'll be back.

*trots back out*

11:52 AM  
Blogger Lost said...

Well at least you are getting plenty of blogging material from this LOL

1:31 PM  
Blogger Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

You're brave. Good job getting some cash. I don't think I could get drunk enough to do karaoke;>

11:49 AM  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

GOOD TIMES HELL YES!!

You come hang with me ANYTIME!!

12:26 PM  

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