Thursday, October 06, 2005

Tom & Katie sittin’ in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G (obviously)

I used to like Tom and I even enjoyed his movies. And then he lost his fucking mind. Now I refuse to give him any of my hard-earned money. Or even the easy shit I get selling drugs to schoolkids. KIDDING!!! Back off, FBI!

OK, Tom—help me understand your twisted-fuck way of thinking. Which is the bigger sin in the eyes of the Church of Scientology? Taking antidepressants, or creating a child out of wedlock? Why?

This whole relationship has such a high “ICK” factor for me. With Katie constantly having a Scientology “chaperone” when she isn’t with Tom, it reminds me of the movie “Rosemary’s Baby.” Oh NOOOOOO!!!! Katie has been impregnated to spawn one of “them!”

And Katie.

Katie, Katie, Katie. Step a little closer, dear, so I can slap some sense into your God-damned thick, dumbass head! What are you thinking? Trust me, he can't possibly do as much for your career as he says he can. Neither can "they," except to help steer it into the toilet by association. And was it really worth it to sell your soul for the money?

Man, I feel sorry for you. Especially when you get postpartum depression because ol' dumbass with the gash-for-a-smile doesn't help you with that newborn, and then refuses to let you take the meds you'll so desperately need. Let me give you some advice: when you have to make the choice of killing your baby, or killing Tom? Choose Tom. The bitches in prison HATE baby killers.

I won't even get into how fucked up your "religion" is, because, frankly, I am not a fan of real religions either. But I have to chuckle that yours was created by a science fiction writer and that you people are actually stupid enough to buy into the "level" that you want. BWAHAHAHA

Earth to LRon, Earth to LRon, come in LRon! You Scientologists need to back the fuck off and not bother trying to enlighten me, and I'll agree to not take my medications in front of you, mmmkay?


Blogger GA girl said...

She's knocked up??? When the hell did this happen? I heard about JS getting a divorce, and AJ might be pregnant, but this is news to me. Damn, I need to go to the grocery store so I can read the tabloids more often. Shopping once a month or so severly limits my gossip intake.

Bet they'll say it was artifical insemination since both are obviously virgins, and this baby will be the new messiah.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Personally, I'm waiting for a religion started by Tom Robbins. As authors go, I think I could dig his view of eternity a lot better than old L Ron's. At least Tom Robbins would ENCOURAGE us to take our meds. And our neighbor's.

8:47 AM  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Yanno, if some crackpot can invent a religion based off SCIENCE FICTION book/s, why hasn't there been a religion based on the prophesies of Nostradamus, George Orwell or Aldus Huxley? At least with those three, they've proven themselves to some point--minus the mind control and "church" sanctioned chaperones!

As I noted in my (inversely brief) post regarding this topic, I suspect a turkey baster was involved--wasn't it in the news at some point in the last 20 years of Tiny Tom's popularity that he was sterile and that's why he and Nic never conceived?

8:55 AM  
Blogger No_Newz said...

So on the mark again you crazy woman!
I also wonder what kind of crock of shit Tom will say about pain meds and epidurals when it comes time to push "Rosemary's Baby" out of the former "virgin." I hope she goes Mama psycho on his ass!
I used to like Tom too, but since he has taken to fucking virgins out of wedlock, and making sure she is a couple decades younger, which creeps me out immensely, and goes around telling people what they should and shouldn't do, not so much me likey no more.
Lois Lane

2:43 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists said...

Pretend for a moment that Floyd has no idea who you are talking about. Now do you see what it's like for Floyd?

5:38 PM  
Blogger Inanna said...

Tom Cruise gives me hives. Look, see, I've got one right there on my ass. I think I"ll name it Katie.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TomKat spawning? Ew, ick.
Wish Jess and Nick would have made it - that would be one cute baby doll, unlike the aforementioned Spawn.

God, how I love goss.


9:05 PM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Damn, Michele...I havent laughed this hard in a long time. Your blog is a joy! A motherfucking joy, I tell you!!! :D

12:21 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

that was freakin' hilarious!!!

1:37 PM  
Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

I think they're just a tad bit too in love to really be in love. Tom and Katie are a farce.

2:20 PM  

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