Schmancer, The Schmeckel Dancer
My son has always sparkled. That was simply the best word to describe him as a little guy. He has the most beautiful dark brown eyes; my mother used to say they were like black cherries. He had the cutest, most shit-eating grin you ever saw. I’ll post pictures someday & you’ll see what I meant. He also loved to zoom around the house naked.
Oh yes. These are the stories he will dread when he starts dating, I assure you. I just wish I had the pictures to go along with them. Sparkle THIS! Imagine the pelvic thrust of a 3 year old.
He would streak around the house before a bath. He would streak around the house after a bath. I feel a Dr. Suess-type rhyme coming on:
He’d zoom around without his pants
If he had just half a chance!
His schmeckel he would show to you
Whether or not you’d want him to!
One of the funniest things I remember was when he jumped, naked, into view from the doorway to the family room. In a “ta-da” manner he hollered, “LOOK! It’s BIGGGGGG!!!” Missing a tooth he'd knocked out one year prior, he was smiling from ear to ear.
That little 3 year-old’s erection was a hilarious sight. Of course, being the enlightened mom I didn’t want to wound his little psyche. So instead of shrieking, “Go get your fucking pants on!” I smiled and calmly said, “Yeah, and it will be big again tomorrow, too. Now go and get dressed.”
Blink. Blink. Blink. WTF just happened? "Hope he outgrows that shit," I thought to myself.
In the months to come, he decided that it would be fun to add a little “oomph” to his performance. Instead of just streaking, he now did a little gyrating dance so that his schmeckel would flop up and down, as he laughed maniacally, hands on his hips or behind his head like a Playgirl centerfold’s pose. We were all so used to it that it no longer fazed us.
Unfortunately, my 9 year old daughter’s friend wasn’t. As the naked Schmancer (short for “Schmeckel Dancer”) approached with a running start, my daughter’s eyes got as big as saucers. She tried to stop Schmancer but he burst into her room full-force and shook a mean schmeckel right in her poor friend’s face. That poor girl is now in a residential psych facility, sitting in a corner rocking back and forth, I’m sure of it. Oh wait, she is a freshman in college & lives in a dorm. Same diff.
While the Schmancer has outgrown that version of the schmeckel dance, he hasn’t outgrown his flair for the outrageous. I will pass along other tales of amusement as I remember them. Yes, he is definitely his mother’s son.
Oh yes. These are the stories he will dread when he starts dating, I assure you. I just wish I had the pictures to go along with them. Sparkle THIS! Imagine the pelvic thrust of a 3 year old.
He would streak around the house before a bath. He would streak around the house after a bath. I feel a Dr. Suess-type rhyme coming on:
He’d zoom around without his pants
If he had just half a chance!
His schmeckel he would show to you
Whether or not you’d want him to!
One of the funniest things I remember was when he jumped, naked, into view from the doorway to the family room. In a “ta-da” manner he hollered, “LOOK! It’s BIGGGGGG!!!” Missing a tooth he'd knocked out one year prior, he was smiling from ear to ear.
That little 3 year-old’s erection was a hilarious sight. Of course, being the enlightened mom I didn’t want to wound his little psyche. So instead of shrieking, “Go get your fucking pants on!” I smiled and calmly said, “Yeah, and it will be big again tomorrow, too. Now go and get dressed.”
Blink. Blink. Blink. WTF just happened? "Hope he outgrows that shit," I thought to myself.
In the months to come, he decided that it would be fun to add a little “oomph” to his performance. Instead of just streaking, he now did a little gyrating dance so that his schmeckel would flop up and down, as he laughed maniacally, hands on his hips or behind his head like a Playgirl centerfold’s pose. We were all so used to it that it no longer fazed us.
Unfortunately, my 9 year old daughter’s friend wasn’t. As the naked Schmancer (short for “Schmeckel Dancer”) approached with a running start, my daughter’s eyes got as big as saucers. She tried to stop Schmancer but he burst into her room full-force and shook a mean schmeckel right in her poor friend’s face. That poor girl is now in a residential psych facility, sitting in a corner rocking back and forth, I’m sure of it. Oh wait, she is a freshman in college & lives in a dorm. Same diff.
While the Schmancer has outgrown that version of the schmeckel dance, he hasn’t outgrown his flair for the outrageous. I will pass along other tales of amusement as I remember them. Yes, he is definitely his mother’s son.
posted by Michele in Michigan at 9:48 PM
5 Comments:
That is too funny! When I was 9 or so, there was a little boy who lived down the street. He was also a big fan of naked time, and loved showing his privates off. Then when he was 3 or 4 he noticed others weren't impressed with him, so he took to chasing the neighborhood kids with it trying to rub himself on them. I have no idea what happened to this boy, but your story brought it to mind.
Oh my... um... my husband STILL does the Schmeckel Dance... with the flippity floppity and pelvic thrusts... some guys never outgrow it.
Seriously, do you know ANY man that has grown out of that stage? Perhaps it's just Floyd...
Goddamn, that was funny. What is it with men and their schmeckel dances? Sheesh!
You mean ALL men do that dance??? And here I thought I was priviledged LOL
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