teenagers suck

Traits of the Modern Teenaged Girl
(also known as "MTG" of the species "bitchiness uninterruptus")

Unbecoming coven-like behavior.

Seemingly endless appetite for blood. This is accompanied by the ability to devour friends in a single bitch session.

Phenomenal ability to change their collective mind and redirect a huge arsenal of emotional missiles at their prey (also known as "friend in exile," "uncaring bitch," and "one who ditches her friends for a boy").

Tremendous ability to express glee upon hearing "Target destroyed, I repeat, target destroyed."

Amazing ineffectiveness at recognizing that THEY are next in line when the Tribal Council convenes and the alliances change.

Extreme tendencies toward misguided dervishes, feeding frenzies and histrionics.

World record holders of the "Ability to Generate More Negative Energy in One Place at One Single Time" award, 2005

Similarities between the MTG and spiders:

The digestive system of spiders/MTGs is adapted exclusively to taking up liquid food (also known as "friend in exile," "uncaring bitch," and "one who ditches her friends for a BOY") because the animals generally digest their prey outside the body and then suck the fluid.

Spiders/MTGs are generally carnivorous and feed only on living prey (also known as "friend in exile," "uncaring bitch," and "one who ditches her friends FOR A BOY") . They can crush it ....and almost always can inject a venom. The bite of some large spiders/MTGs can be painful, but most species are too small to break human skin ("sticks & stones..."), and only a few (teenaged girls) are dangerous to humans.

Their painful bite is followed by faintness, difficulty in breathing, and other symptoms in their prey (also known as "friend in exile," "uncaring bitch," and "one who ditches her friends FOR A FUCKING BOY") ; although the bite is seldom fatal (after all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right??)