Sunday, March 12, 2006

Fat girl at WalMart in Spandex pants and an ill-fitting T-shirt...

I've become that which I have laughed at.

I actually went out in PUBLIC dressed like that. But I guess it was OK since it WAS WalMart, after all.

I usually don't shop there, or Sam's Club, or Walgreen either. It's my form of protesting their unfair labor practices. But they are the only place where I can find a certain brand of paint that I like. So I cheated on myself, broke down and (shhhhh) bought paint from WalMart.

Now I need to REALLY describe my attire: forest green VELOUR-looking spandex pants, a tie-dyed Tshirt (homemade -and abandoned- by Deetsie as one of a dozen she made for friends), socks and old tennis shoes. All were paint-stained, so I hope that anyone who saw me and then blogged about the fat girl at WalMart in the spandex pants and ill-fitting tshirt MIGHT be convinced that I usually don't dress like that.

But it really doesn't matter, does it? Since every fat girl who goes out in public is pretty much smirked at no matter WHAT she wears, whether it is a business suit or Daisy Dukes and belly shirt.

BUT, I will have you all know, there were NO Oreos, Ho-Hos or Twinkies in my cart. Only 4 gallons of assorted paint and, um, oh yeah..some (shhh) Little Debbie coffee cakes for my hubby. Really. Since if it were for ME, I'da picked up anything CHOCOLATE.


(_____)(_____) <---- my ass


Blogger Anne R. Key said...

Spandex pants with an ill-fitting t-shirt? At WalMart, you would have looked conspicuous in anything else. Just think of it as camouflage...

Rock on, btw, protesting their labour practices. I refuse to go to WalMart for anything at all. Those union-busting assholes.

1:29 PM  
Blogger Pisser said...

What Anne R. Key said. Damn-!

And your butt is so...parenthetic! Perfection-!

8:09 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

That was you? Did you see me wearing my low rider capri pants with the cute super small belly shirt. It was hard to see the top of the coochie cutters unless you actually lifted up my stomach to view them. Hehehe!

9:25 PM  
Anonymous jaefox said...

You be beautiful no matter wat.

Well-dressed thin people can only WISH they had a friend like you.

Like I do.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous lawbrat said...

I think its a rule that you MUST dress like that at Walmart. Really, check their manual.

Besides, you have a great ass!

9:26 AM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

Fat asses just make more cushion for the pushin'...

10:13 AM  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Whaddaya know? I learn something new every day.... "Coochie cutters?"

4:43 PM  
Blogger Michele in Michigan said...

Anne-I forgot to mention that my ill-fitting clothing was also PAINT-STAINED, which is not quite the same as the requisite FOOD stains hehehe

Pisser--yes, I have quite the parenthetic ass ;)

Jen--I musta just missed you there, girl! Coochie cutters, eh? lolol

Jae-I loves you, girl!

Lawbrat--the cleft in my ass nearly matched my camel toe hehehe

Anne--rofl--I am the proverbial overstuffed cooch (pun intended hehehe)

Maven--me too! lol

8:32 PM  
Blogger espresso bean said...

You are so funny, Michele. Thanks for all the laughs. :o)

9:39 PM  
Blogger Pisser said...

I love it when you post made-up werds, what with the Spandax squeezin' you britches too tight, gurl-! ;)

4:09 PM  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Yanno, at one point maybe ten years ago or so... I went back to my high school (at that point had been out of high school maybe six or seven years) and was in the throes of depression, my weight was going haywire with undiganosed PCOS... and only after, did I realize my clothing had bits of once cooked-now dried-pasta fused to the front of my shirt.

I agree with Anne... you would have been out of place had you worn anything else... however, you could have gone WHOLE HOG and wore a NASCAR baseball cap and put a little Skoal between your cheek and gums.

7:41 PM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

But did you scratch your personal regions, readjust your pants to avoid them getting gummed in your muffintop, or did you have strategic holes in the britches??

6:35 PM  
Blogger Michele in Michigan said...

espresso bean--thank you! I aim to please hehehe

Pisser-- I lubs me sum baycayshun time!


Crankyprof--I didn't think to do any illicit scratching, although I DID have to pick my spandex outta my asscrack in Home Depot this morning lolol. No gummage, just some 'toe going on heh.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

you still own spandex? really, wow.

12:54 AM  

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