Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Happiest Place to Work!

That is what the "Now Hiring" sign in our local Taco Bell proclaimed. Perhaps somebody should have mentioned that to Larchetta. Names have NOT been changed to protect the innocent. Hell to the no!

As my son and I walked up to the counter (no waiting! Woot!), Larchetta gave us the stink-eye. It was to be her last eye contact with us. She had perfected the art of seeing beyond someone by looking off into the distance over their shoulder lonnnnnng before we ever got there.

Sucking something out of her teeth, she slowly ambled over to her register, all the while looking off into the distance. She was watching traffic, squirrels frolicking, birds shitting on the light pole. She never said a word. No "Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your order?" No "whutchoowant?" No "whutdaFUCKyouwant?" No "Did you know there's a Mack Donald's right next door?"

Being the civil human being that I am, I was the one who said "Hi." Ooooo, chilly. No response. So, of course, I thought I'd fuck with her.

"Tell me about the Steak Grilled Stuffed Burrito," I said to her. I KNOW she thought I was smoking crack. I mean, who goes to Taco Bell & asks about that shit? Doesn't everybody who eats there KNOW what's on the menu? Maybe everyone but US lol.

"Whutchoo mean TELL you 'bout it?" still looking out the window, but over my OTHER shoulder this time. Still sucking her teeth. Yuck.

"What does it have in it besides steak?"

"ricebeansbajasauceredsauce" Larchetta stated in a fast monotone as she rolled her eyes. She left out a few ingredients, but I got the basic idea. What an asshole.

"I'll have one with NO sauce."

Making that "tsk" sound with her tongue was a nice touch before she asked, "WHUT no sauce? No RATE sauce, no BaaaaHaaaaa sauce...?"

"NO SAUCE at all," I replied

I paid her, making sure that I touched her hand with my hand. I am not one of those people who are afraid to touch other ethnicities. It used to make me chuckle when I worked retail in the racist '70's when other ethnicities would touch MY hand thinking that I was gonna freak out hehehe.

She sullenly gave me the change that the register told her too, bills on the bottom and change unceremoniously dumped on top. Except that some of the coins fell out of her hand onto the counter. I still held my hand out to receive the rest. Fuck THAT if she thinks I was gonna scrape it off of the counter. Sheesh. Lazy Ass.

We eventually got our food and decided to eat it there. Overhead, we heard Britney Spears' song "Lucky." My son & I were still watching Larchetta using her excellent customer service skills. I started cracking up when I said to him, " 'syo lucky day! You gonna be onna innanet! Smile fo mah cam'ra phone." Then I realized I didn't HAVE my fucking camera phone WITH me. Shit.

She left shortly thereafter. I will go back sometime and sneak her picture. The expression on her face was SO priceless.

This reminded my of something one of my favorite comedians said:

"There's no shame in having an every day job. All workers of all levels are needed to make this society function properly. We are all fundamental pieces of the puzzle and are an important part of the whole. But whatever it is, do 'your' job well. It's not my fault you have 'your' job. If you don't like 'your' job, then change it by getting some better skills. Until then, Shut the Fuck Up and get my burger! And I'd like that with a smile. - Carlos Mencia


Blogger Serra said...

Did you see the new special he's got out? TOO funny!

12:03 PM  
Blogger espresso bean said...

Michele, good Christ, I've just made such a scene at work. I laughed so hard I choked. Badly.

I must remember to wait and read you at HOME.

Larchetta! Hah! Which TB did you go to? I have got to go there. When I go to TB I order things with no meat, extra beans, no onion, light cheese, and + sour cream. Always. She would love me. :-P

I really like the bit at the end too. So true!

2:59 PM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

You RULE, Michele!!!

3:27 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

She's a hater! You go, girl!

3:42 PM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Please go back and get a pic of Larchetta we have GOT to see her. (found your blog via Pissy Britches)

4:30 PM  
Blogger straight sambucca said...

" 'syo lucky day! You gonna be onna innanet! Smile fo mah cam'ra phone."

^^^gosh that made me laugh! along with the rest of the post!

12:18 AM  
Blogger Michele in Michigan said...

Serra--I go waaaaay back wif Carlos! I LUBS me some Carlos lol

espresso bean--hehehe. Larchetta can be observed at the TB on 8 mile & Haggerty

jege--you'da done the same thing LOLOL

anne--she really IS a hater & that's sad

patti_cake-- welcome! (I lubs me some pissy britches too lol) I WILL get that pic soon!!

sarsapirilla--hehehe, I like to write like I talk

11:42 AM  
Blogger Cassarass said...

De de dee! OMG this shit had me laughing my ASS off! Carlos Mencia is the shit, I love his new special.

12:57 AM  
Blogger serendipity said...

I just choked on my coffee! You're too funny.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Just don't f*ck with the person actually making your food - I shudder to think! LOL

5:09 AM  
Blogger Big Cute Lady said...

Larchetta would be one fired bitch when I got done with the manager, who is probably her pimp....

7:43 PM  
Blogger CP said...

Carlos Mencia is God. God with a bad accent. I love him.

Bring Larchetta out in the open where all us bloggers can point and laugh at her!

Then, invite her to your website at

Now, get my fuckin' TACO!


10:00 PM  

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